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What a start for the summer. On the other hand it’s quite easy. There’s lots of free time for motorbiking, wind surfing and combat sports, but on the other hand when stuff happens, it happens with full power and it hits you deep to the bone with a crazy loving arrow. There’s so much going on. Everyone’s releasing their own solo songs and tours and that makes me very happy. And the tour we are on with Sunrise Avenue is the most heart-shaking ever and as the whole world is also opening after the dark times, there’s so much to do and so many people to see. But still I sleep well every night and I feel like there’s 200% power for each day. I know I have said this before, but I have probably never been this happy. I know this feeling is not permanent and there will be different times ahead, that’s life, but what I’m feeling right now feels just so damn good. I will just enjoy the good wave as long as it lasts.
We finally went back to Provinssi festival last weekend in Finland. As we performed there for the first time years ago, things didn’t go too well and I can still remember driving home back to Helsinki in my car thinking, we gotta go back there some day and do better. Then we had 40 people in front of our stage and I felt embarrassed the whole set and of course after those 60 minutes of shame and probably trying a bit too much, I smashed my own face with my own guitar. Got 4 stiches. Good job Hapa Haber and everyone. 
This Friday things went the other way. It was the only festival we play on this tour and therefore the last one we will ever see together. Sami’s home town. His drum solo. That crowd. That bright and warm Finnish summer night. Perkele! It’s strange but I don’t want to have any drinks after the shows now. I want to feel every emotion crystal clear. Driving home with a motorcycle in the night after the show feels so cool. Just me and my bike and a billion feelings in my heart. Ahhhh.
Thank you Pohjanmaa and thank you Provinssi. Kiitos ihanat ihmiset. Oli arvoisensa päätös tämän orkesterin uskomattomalle fesivaalitaipaleelle. Se kesti 16 vuotta ja päättyi upeimmalla mahdollisella tavalla <3
After releasing my new song in Finnish (my fourth already, it’s really happening!!!) and the music video filmed in Zurich at Hallenstadion after the Sunrise Avenue concert some weeks ago, I got a lot of feedback as usual. Always when you do something in this business, you get all kinds of comments from people, that’s how it works. I for some reason always get much more love and support than I expect, but of course there are all kinds of opinions every time. Some are positive and “heart melting” and some of course are from those who don’t like what you do. In between all the hearts and love (thank you for them<3) this time there was something unusual and I decided to look deeper into the side I normally don’t like to spend too much time with. In case it’s not constructive or it all just sounds insane, I don’t like to suck negative energy inside me because nobody is immune for that. But this time there was something new. Some people were referring to December 2019 as we announced the band is going out on tour that shall be the last one. So let’s go back to that morning.
As I had finally made up my mind about ending the journey with Sunrise Avenue, my personal wish was that we could send out a press release about it and to announce the tour dates. Great tour, great memories, hugs with everyone and Thank You For Everything. It was dark and strange times. I was feeling mega guilty for what I was about to do, even though the feeling inside me was clear and I knew I needed to take this step. I hated the idea of going out in front of people talking about it too much because I knew I’d be changing the future plans of many people - not only in a good way. It’s almost impossible to explain it all fully even to someone who’s a bit closer to me. But actually it’s been amazing how well you all seem to understand and accept. Thank you for that. 
Then I was presented the other option for the announcement of the tour. The press conference. And I accepted it, everyone did. I felt strange about it from the very beginning, but of course I realized the fact that big moments make big headlines. And big headlines make big tours and I was just hoping it would go somehow smooth for everyone. The weeks and months before the date were crazy and the closer that morning came, the more I felt like I can’t breathe. But I have learnt that I must throw myself into strange situations, like joining The Voice without speaking the language if I want to reach big things. For myself or for this band. It has always been the way as the results were always there. That’s how life has taught me to survive and also to take this band to where it is today. Don’t be afraid of anything. Or be afraid but still jump in. Great things don’t come to you just like that. Your comfort zone is a nice place and you should spend lots of time there. But there you don’t grow and nothing amazing happens. 
I understand now after a few brave ones of you shared me the full uncensored story, that some things could have been operated better that sunny December morning. The circus was huge. Hundreds of people actually did a good job and we can all witness the results at the shows. But what really made me sad is what I now heard about how some situations were handled. And at the end of the day I am responsible for it. If Sunrise Avenue gets an Oscar someday, I do the thank you speech. If someone is being mistreated or hurt in connection to this band, the finger also points at me. And I raise my hand. I knew it must have been emotional and even hard on every one of us, but I had no idea how far some little things had gone.
“Maybe you don’t fully understand how much Sunrise Avenue means to some people out there”, one of you wrote to me. That can be true. I see the magnitude and the amount of love and devotion, but of course I even try to keep my head clear with it and not to think about it too much. If you start believing that you’re some sort of a super-jesus or a group of mega stars, it can lead to misbehaving and making bad choices. It’s actually hard to be humble sometimes inside this music business especially as many people around you just throw more gas into flames. It’s also their job.
The fact that you all came to Helsinki that early morning shows how much this all actually means to you. But also it shows how much you trust us. And trust me. Last couple of weeks I have learnt that I and we should have made some moments that morning better and softer. Your feelings should have been appreciated and you should have felt safe. That we didn’t manage to do and that is what I deeply apologize. I understand that for example seeing your own face crying on a magazine cover all over Europe can feel very bad. You never signed up for that. There’s no business like show business. But the ones operating their shows and businesses should make sure nobody gets hurt or that nobody would feel used. I’m sorry.
Look where we are. In your wildest dreams did you see us this far? I actually did. In my wild dreams. The dreams that kept me alive when there was nothing else. When you dream about something, you usually dream about the beautiful end result. When you dream about the sunny beach somewhere far away, in the moment of dreaming there’s no space in the dream for your ass being numb in the plane and your head being f**ed up with jetlag. Or being sunburned the third day. That’s how dreams work. The downsides and reality would just destroy the beauty and you might leave the dream and then you’d never reach it. If you’re lucky and you actually have a goal or a dream, you only see that beautiful something out there somewhere in the horizon and you just want to reach out for it with all you got. Life and also dreams coming true leave scars on us. This adventure with this band too, on all of us. But when we hurt someone, even if we don’t mean it, it’s important to say you’re sorry and to ask for forgiveness. That is the only way the wounds can have a chance to heal. 
What Happened after I talked to many of you is so beautiful. I feel forgiven and also many of you said sorry about some things. And there’s absolutely nothing to forgive on my side. The air feels clear and light and now I understand some little strange incidents much better. Thank you so much for being so brave and for opening your hearts to me. Without your words and honesty, I would not be writing these lines tonight. And without our conversations I would not understand that afternoon and all its moments fully. It’s possible it’s the biggest and most meaningful morning in my life. I have learnt a lot from you again. Thank you.
Oh and the song and the music video. Art is art even if it’s pop music. And in art we say things big because we artists are a bit crazy. It’s always been like that and I hope it always stays like that too. Some get what you try to express, some don’t. That’s the risk you take when saying something and that risk is part of the charm why I love what I do. 
From what I hear and read now many of you understand what I wanted to say with the song and the video. But in case someone’s still having strange thoughts, I can open it a bit even though explaining art always sucks. What I’m saying, is that I will of course miss the band and all the songs and journeys with it, but I will also miss you all like hell when all this is over in September. You’ve always been there. I never understood fully why, but always and everywhere you were there for us. And I will miss you and remember you all to the grave. This adventure has been super exhausting and nearly killed me a few times, but at the same time it has been the highlight of my life. And there never needs to be another experience like this because this has already been better than perfect. With all its ups and downs. It never would have worked out like this without you all and I and we can never ever thank you enough. 
Now, coming back to 4th of July 2022. We’re on the most amazing tour ever with Sunrise Avenue. I’ve never felt crowds and rooms like this before. One part of me is happy there was over two years between the press conference and the tour start. The sea of feelings is a bit more calm in my heart too. Everything happens for a reason. 
I knew this tour with all the steps and moments would be magnificent and meaningful and even change my point of view on some things around me. But I had no idea about the beautiful depth where it would take me also outside the stages. I didn’t know saying goodbye can be this beautiful and I have a feeling we haven’t seen all sides of it yet. 
This week is a big week. I’m gonna drive somewhere quiet now for a swim with my great Boa Brother Siim and tonight I’ll sleep in my bed like a big baby and dream about the 72 meter high tower of the Helsinki Olympic Stadium for a whole night. Helsinki Olympic Stadium. It sounds so good. I checked again on Google maps and that tower is exactly 11,2 kilometers from my mother’s house where we used to live with my mom, my sister and my brother. In that house many many years ago I used to dream about playing that stadium someday. 
Bring all your scars and jump right in. Here we go. 
Big love and see you all so soon <3