The End Of The Rainbow
Post tour depression is actually a real thing. It always hits me after I come home for the last show of any tour, but this time it goes deep. Your mind and your body finally let go and this is usually the moment when you get ill, your stomach goes bad and you feel literally depressed. I went to the after party in Dusseldorf on Sunday, had a few beers and a piece of Sunrise Avenue chocolate cake and realized that my party will be with Mr. Sandman. I loved watching the crew boys making crazy dance moves with the Cyan Kicks gang as I ordered the elevator to get a car to my hotel. Before the elevator came, Tomppa, my guitar technician hugged me for fifteen minutes like little boys hug their mothers. He said amazing things to me and Jesus Christ I love him and the rest of the crew. That night I slept like a baby.
It has been an interesting day today at home. After waking up a dozen times last night, sometimes sweating, sometimes almost starting to scream but then realizing I’m on the sofa and not in my bed, I’ve been walking around like a ghost. I even got my new electric BMW today. The sales guy Niclas was blasting around the new IX about the great functionalities and features (they are actually cool) but I was just staring at him and the car front. I took the keys and drove to Löyly, my favorite public sauna here in Helsinki. Floating in the cold sea felt so good. It cleanses you. Then I drove my new electric baby to the garage and told her to wait until tomorrow. We have all the time in the world to go through her features and stuff. Beautiful she looks thought and I love the electric world. Hapa saving the planet.
What a week. And what a summer. I know I’ve said it many times, the best tour ever. I’m so damn thankful there were 19 shows. Some artists have only one farewell concert or two and I don’t know how that would work. I’m not saying it’s all hip-hip-hurraay now either but with two shows only it must feel way too empty. There’s so much to say and to express. Even now I feel I and we could have said and done more. I guess that’s normal.
This was the best summer I’ve ever had, thank you for that. There was time to digest everything and there was also a lot of time when you didn’t have to think about the big step ahead. It’s also amazing how the emotions and beauty just grew night after night even though after every time leaving the stage you thought “it just cannot get more beautiful than this.” And it always did. And the crowds... I thought I had seen it all, but no. Like an army of angels shouting for love from the top of their lungs and hearts. Every goddamn night. When I think about you down there at the audience… After sleeping in tents in fucking storms and traveling to these shows a million miles again and again. I can’t breathe and writing this blog stops. What we went through these months, I have no words. It feels deeper than anything before. Seeing your tears every night at the end of the show broke me. I always first decided not to look at anyone in the eye at the end so I’d stay in one piece, but how’s that gonna work. I wanted to see you and to be with you. Sunrise Avenue is not a thing of five band guys. It's our story with you. In the end we look each other in the eye and we go through it together.
Cyan Kicks singer Susanna came to the dressing room after their last show with tears in her eyes and hands shaking thanking us for the chance to play in front of the best fans in the world. She is right, you are. They didn’t know a crowd can be that loving for a support band. And it has been like that every time we brought someone supporting us. You people are just pure gold, so much fun and you amaze us day after day. Whoever was responsible for what happened during “Home” at the last show… It was unbelievable…. Coldplay have their wrist bands with lights. We have the best fans in the world. And it’s not just that song last night. It’s all these years and all the little and huge actions. Sounds lame saying “thank you” but I will say it anyways. You are all angels and it has been an honor being and growing up with you.
We talked about the future at the airport with the band guys. Osmo asked me how many shows do I have this year on my own. I said six. He said he will do six shows already THIS WEEK. I don’t know how he does it. If I would have been on stage today, they would have had to carry me there and then off the stage after staring at the microphone for the whole time. Sami has four shows this week. As the German dates moved later from April and May, it made some of our plans quite tight this autumn. And of course I would have gladly had some time between Sunrise Avenue and my own solo shows and duties, but what can you do. Of course it feels a little strange focusing on the next moves and starting to promote them as the ending is still so near. But from tomorrow on I will start living and planning the next steps. And honestly I’m very excited about the next chapter. I was ready to let go of the whole “being an artist” thing after this band has finally sailed to the final harbor, but then I was blessed to find a new flame inside me. The kind I never expected but one that is very dear to me now. It’s beyond amazing that my whole tour will be sold out when it starts in a month. And I’m so happy Riku and Osmo are also releasing their own music and Sami is playing in all various bands. Raul is building his own cable and tech empire, well he’s been on it for years. The best of luck boys with it all and also with your lives outside the drums and guitars. You deserve it all.
Before the last song in this show, my part was to walk to the end of the cat walk and to say something before Osmo starts Hollywood Hills, the last song. As I walked to the end of the cat walk in Dusseldorf the cocktail of emotions that went through my soul was something I will never understand. So powerful and all temperatures. Everyone was there and even Enrico was watching me with his loving face from the roof of the arena. We belong to the fucking stadiums. I felt the band guys, crew, management and everyone of you in the room stronger than it’s possible.
Thank you for being there. This tour and all the tours and moments before. Thank you mom for buying me the Gibson Butterfly for the second time after I wasted all the money you gave me. Thank you dear Universe for keeping these wise and brave people around me. Thank you crew and management, Mikko and Toni, agents, labels, everyone. Thank you Sunrise Avenue. There never needs to be anything like you. You are beautiful and perfect as you are.
Thank you Raul, Sami, Riku and Osmo. We saw some stuff together and went from the lowest to the highest top together. Time after time. The best of luck with your careers and lives. If someone would ask me what they’d need to reach their dreams in this crazy world, I’d tell them to look for guys like you. A journalist asked me in an interview last week what was the best thing or best moment with this band. I didn’t find the answer then, but now I know. As the last show was over and we suddenly hugged each other a bit too long and a bit too hard in front of Sami’s drums, that was it. That was the best moment, the end of the rainbow.
So dear friends. I don’t how you’re feeling tonight. But you should know there is one Finnish guy sinking into his sofa with his heart in his throat because he loves you right now - more than you’ll ever know. You have given him much more than he deserves.